Chapter Twelve (The Next Day)

Biggles had spent the night on the bed. Biggles was still fast asleep. Phil sneaked out of bed. He got camera 1. Biggles was still fast asleep. Phil came back. Biggles had gone.

‘DAMN!’ shouted Phil.

‘DAMN!’ exclaimed Paula as she woke with a start.

‘Sorry’ said Phil.

‘Pillock’ said Paula.

‘Miaow’ said Biggles.

From downstairs.

‘Yes!’ shrieked Phil.

‘Pillock’ said Paula.

And tried to go back to sleep.

Biggles was of course sat by the food bowls, glaring at the emptiness of them all. As soon as Phil tried to take a picture Biggles decided that rubbing himself up against Phil’s leg would achieve the desired effect of getting said bowls filled. And it did.

And while Biggles was chomping on a pile of food so high it almost obscured Phil’s lens, Phil took a picture. With a predetermined face of self-satisfaction he then looked at his incredible work on the back of the camera.

And it was incredible. It was incredibly bad. And not just bad, awful. Nothing was in focus, there was a blurry shape where a cat should be, it was all framed badly, it was lop-sided and it looked like there was dust everywhere.

‘Nooooooooo’ he howled.

‘Pillock’ said Paula as she entered the kitchen.

‘Look what you’ve done!’

‘What I’ve done?’ exclaimed Paula.

‘I knew I should have given up photography. I knew I’d peaked. And now look, look, look at that.’

‘That is pretty shit to be fair.’

‘Of course it’s shit, it’s shitty shit shitter than shit with shit on top and a side order of shit topped off with a faceful of shit from a truck load of shit that’s been shi…’

‘I get the point!’

‘What am I going to do? I’m useless, I’m as useless as a useless thing in useless town at the annual useless day to celebrate uselessness.’

‘You could compare the settings you used for the two cameras then maybe have a look at some online tutorials, join an online forum, maybe enrol in an evening class or join a camera club? Or maybe you could stand here whinging and feeling sorry for yourself?’

‘I think I’m going to do the latter’ said Phil, knowing when he was beaten and off he went to the land of Google.

‘Pillock’ said Paula.

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About the author

Fresh from failing to be an actor, a singer and retaining a full head of hair Glyn is now attempting to be a photographer and a novelist. He has taken more pictures today than he has written words of his novel in the last six months. Some of them he regards as okay..

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