Chapter Thirteen (A chapter of discovery)

Phil had only been joking about standing and whinging. What a cad he was.

After meticulously labelling the cameras numbers 1 and 2 so he wouldn’t forget which was which he then made elaborate notes explaining to himself that camera 2 was the one he’d used first. He then checked the settings on the cameras (after watching a video on YouTube seven times) and made a note of those as well.

He was quite pleased that he currently (he would probably forget soon) knew how to check the ISO, the aperture, the shutter speed whilst taking careful note that he had not messed with his exposure compensation. He had no idea what the latter was but it didn’t sound like the sort of thing you’d want to mess with anyway, especially on a cold day. He decided that no matter what happened that his exposure compensation would remain untouched. And it did.

He was especially pleased to learn that ISO actually stood for International Standards Organisation but only because he would be able to show off to Paula later. To this end he wrote it out on a Post-It note which he secreted in his pocket. He then took the note out again and scribbled on the back Aperture=a hole that controls how much light gets into the camera. Space was now at a premium on the little piece of paper so he wrote Shutter speed=speed of shutter. Not exactly rocket science but it would have to do….unless he got another Post-It note… No, that be wasteful, besides this was a very impressive start and Paula would admire his dedication and learning capabilities.

Back to the settings. They were the same on both cameras.

Back to the drawing board. This took longer than most people would take as Phil didn’t have a drawing board which made him wonder what exactly what one was, what it was made of, how big it was and whether you could buy one from ebay.

£10.99 later he would have something to go back to in future, until it disappeared of course, when he’d probably buy another one so he’d have something to go back to.

This all happened far more quickly than the last time Phil had heard the phrase ‘they’re as alike as chalk and cheese’ when a good two days were spent figuring out and researching what cheese was meant; finding out the molecular structures of the two (based on a rather tasty mature cheddar) and then putting the two through a series of tests including floatability, results of being thrown against a wall (apparently he should have done that one outside according to Paula) and, yes, taste.

This was followed by using these results to then determine things that were more different than chalk and cheese. Phil would then force conversations around to dissimilar things and then throw in something like,

‘Yes, they’re as alike as a pea and a condominium’ which was met with stunned silence or,

‘Yes, they’re as alike as one of Jupiter’s moons and some dog poo’ which was met with a slight reaction of revulsion followed by the inevitable question,

‘How do you know a moon and dog poo aren’t alike?’

And when any answer starts with ‘well…..’ you know you’re in trouble. I should probably point out that Phil didn’t do the taste test on the latter comparison as there was no point; Jupiter is too far away.

The good news is that the story doesn’t have to wait around for the new drawing board to arrive and it will only get mentioned again if two arrive….and the postman doesn’t remember delivering the first….and then Phil opens the second one first and….

Let’s move on.

Share The Story

About the author

Fresh from failing to be an actor, a singer and retaining a full head of hair Glyn is now attempting to be a photographer and a novelist. He has taken more pictures today than he has written words of his novel in the last six months. Some of them he regards as okay..

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *