Chapter Sixteen (Experimenting)

It was time to take some more photographs, this time shooting things* that moved. The usual subject was having a snooze in preparation for his afternoon nap but was bound to be tempted by a tin of tuna. Napping can be tiring and don’t get Biggles even started on actual sleeping! Biggles was bound to be starving and could sense a tin of tuna being taken out of the cupboard let alone before Phil actually started opening it.

(*Now I’m all for fun with double entendres as they have moved on somewhat since Frankie Howerd but one can have a lot of fun with non—rude terms as well. Using ‘shooting’ to mean taking photographs of is particularly hilarious. ‘I’ll shoot you’ is often heard around our house which I would imagine could be quite shocking to our neighbours. When a few minutes later there are gunshots reverberating from our TV through our thin, terraced house walls it’s a wonder we haven’t had the police round a few times.)

 

Phil tiptoed to the kitchen and silently opened the cupboard. Retrieving a tin of tuna he was quite smug until there was a miaow from somewhere around his ankles.

’ Incredible,’ said Phil.

The volume went up somewhat as the tin was opened and turned into a contented chomping sound even before all the tuna was in the bowl.

Phil went off to get his cameras and was back in the kitchen in under a minute….to find an empty bowl. On the windowsill in the living room sat a very contented cat, fast asleep.

’ Incredible,’ said Phil.

He went back into the kitchen, got his cameras and was soon back in the living room. Unlike Biggles who had completely disappeared.

’ Incredible,’ said Phil.

And pretty annoying I would imagine. It was time to find another moving subject. Or subjects.

The street Phil and Paula lived on wasn’t too busy but the cars went past often enough to warrant Phil standing on the front lawn awhile, cameras at the ready, ready to shoot passing vehicles (see how funny that is!). The moment was heightened when Paula shouted through to him,

‘What are you doing out there?’

‘Shooting passing vehicles.’

‘What with?’

‘Muslamic rayguns!’ they both shouted in unison. If you’re unsure of this reference by the way and are getting confused, particularly as that’s the second time I’ve mentioned it, please Google it. The autotune version is particularly hilarious.

There was no need for Muslamic rayguns thankfully but unfortunately neither for cameras. Every car had decided to avoid this particular street for the 42 minutes and 7 seconds Phil waited outside. It was like some big conspiracy to avoid getting shot (this just gets better). Maybe cars are really like the cars in Cars the film and can talk to each other misinterpreting the message about getting shot which was passed on originally by the parked cars on the street (ha ha, thought you’d caught me out there didn’t you?).

Phil could hear traffic in the distance (although he was unable to translate what they were saying), hell he even heard cars at the end of the road and in the next street but not a single one ventured down Claire Close.

‘Incredible’ said Phil yet again when he gave up after 42 minutes and 7 seconds. He didn’t actually give up, more so he needed a poo and couldn’t hold it in any longer so in he went. He put his cameras down and Biggles strutted past him.

‘Incredible’ said Phil, shaking his head and heading towards the bathroom.

‘I’m off for a cronk’ shouted Phil to his adoring wife.

‘Incredible’ sighed Paula as she prepared the sausages for tea.

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About the author

Fresh from failing to be an actor, a singer and retaining a full head of hair Glyn is now attempting to be a photographer and a novelist. He has taken more pictures today than he has written words of his novel in the last six months. Some of them he regards as okay..

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