Chapter Twenty-Six (A longer chapter than the last one)

And the results were incredibly similar to what had gone before. Without checking you could tell that the better, crisper pixel perfect pictures came from camera 2. The okay pictures that you’d probably be happy with if you were just starting out in photography came from camera 1.

But what was strange was that there was no blurred motion in the pictures from camera 2. Cars had been zooming past and, while you could tell this by the blur in the pictures from camera 1 you really couldn’t in those from camera 2. It was like the camera had frozen them; yet the settings were the same on both cameras.

He had taken pictures at exactly the same time so he found the same car being photographed on different cameras and, on camera 1 there was the blur there should have been. On camera 2 it looked as if the car had stopped and the driver had gone across to pee in the bushes in the park…

The shutter speed was only set at 200fps so there was no way that car should be frozen in time like that. It was going way too fast.

It was probably time to do dome research, maybe buy a book or a magazine, watch some videos on YouTube….maybe join a local college course; maybe even join a local camera club.

Phil considered all his options. And went to Poundland.

Phil loved Poundland even more than he loved ebay. There wasn’t a 99p store in the local area which would have made Phil even happier so Poundland sufficed and Phil was more than happy with that. In a town he’d forgotten he had once seen an 89p store. He wished he could remember where it was but for now his shopping epicentre for bargains was here in Poundland.

He’d only spent a few months after it had opened continuously asking staff how much things were.

‘I’m just brightening their day’ he’d told Paula ‘although I’m sure when you spend whole days amongst such terrific bargains you don’t need your day brightening.’

‘No dear, but don’t you think that some idiot coming in asking how much things are might just spoil that brightness.’

Phil, confused at her suggestion, had shaken his head and walked away bemused.

Of course when things began to vary…..3 for £2 for example…..Phil had complained. The manager had explained that the store were doing all they could to get Phil the bargains he loved so much and that they were doing these things for him. He apologised if things became confusing and they would endeavour to put large signs up so that Phil could see how much everything costs. If there was anything else he could help Phil with Phil could pop in and see him anytime.

Apart from a 2am visit when, not surprisingly, the shop was shut, Phil never bothered anyone in the store again. If only that manager could spread how he did it to other shops, banks, gyms, utility companies, insurance brokers etc Paula’s world would be a lot simpler.

Phil’s only lapses at Poundland were at the till where the spiel is to ask if the customer would like a bag. Phil had a number of variations of answers for this. His favourite was dependent on him buying a number of items and varied along the lines of ‘no, I’m going to balance everything on my head apart from the tins which I’ll juggle all the way home.’

Sadly all he got in response now was his items in a bag and a sad, pitying smile from the cashier. Kinda ruined the fun so he just saved it for newbies. Phil loved newbies.

There was a newbie on today so Phil knew his visit would last longer than normal. First he managed to find a book on photography in the books section. The fact that it would tell him exactly what he needed to know sounds highly unlikely I know but this is fiction remember and I’m writing it so….

….he had the perfect book but that would not be enough for his gag to work. He loaded his trolley with various items from washing up liquid to a lily in a pot with a few other things in between. That bit was easy, the next was what took the time. Notoriously busy with customers being called forward it would be difficult to guarantee getting the newbie to serve him.

He had previously timed those serving, counted the number of customers in front and then joined the queue at the optimum point. This worked sometimes, as did suddenly deciding to pick something up allowing the person behind to go in front or even simply dithering so that others moved ahead.

Today was looking easier though as it was actually pretty quiet. This again though was no accident. Phil knew when the store would be quietest choosing his time to visit carefully.

There was no queue. Phil strode straight up to Bret and placed his basket down on the counter. Bret looked nervous.

‘First day?’ Phil asked him.

‘Er, yes.’

‘I don’t suppose you know how much this is then do you?’ lifting up a packet of biscuits.

‘They’re a pound sir, everything’s a pound.’

Cut to a few minutes later…

Bret is now fully conversant with the variations in pricing in the store and begins the role for which he is being paid.

‘Would you like a bag sir?’

‘No, I’ve decided to join the circus so I’m going to practice balancing all my shopping on various parts of my body whilst unicycling. Do you have unicycles?’

‘I don’t think so, have you tried They’re normally pretty good for that sort of thing. Shall I just pop everything a in a bag for now and you can pop back when you have a unicycle?’

Phil shook Bret’s hand and congratulated him. He was impressed.

When he got home Paula saw the full bag and asked,

‘Another newbie?’

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About the author

Fresh from failing to be an actor, a singer and retaining a full head of hair Glyn is now attempting to be a photographer and a novelist. He has taken more pictures today than he has written words of his novel in the last six months. Some of them he regards as okay..


  1. jazz says:

    Sorry it’s taken so long to catch up but really enjoying it. Need to know why the two cameras?

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